I’m sure we never will. No matter what’s been said or done, I will love you still. I’m sorry I don’t say that more; I’m sorry I’m not saying it out loud now. I express my deepest feelings in writing- It’s the best way I know how. Things that require courage to say Might go left unsaid; Handing you this paper, I know it will be read. It sounds funny, I’m sure, But I’m feeling a little scared. Who knows how you’ll react To reading these feelings I have shared? What if you laugh Or roll your eyes? That would hurt me More than you realize. I love you so much For the beautiful girl you are. My biggest fear is that I only remind you of a scar. A scar in your memory Hidden deep in your heart. A long time ago Your family came apart. Sometimes I wonder if You look at me and see An obstacle to your wishful thoughts An obstacle that should not be. When you daydream about growing up, About becoming a mother and wife, I fear that I’m not welcome To remain a part of your life. Now you know What worries me most about you- I worry about how you feel And who I am in your view. | Is easier said than done. I worry that it bothers you Hearing me talk to my son. I can tell him that I love him, Shower him with kisses and hugs; Little kids are eager to cuddle. When I see you alone my heart tugs- It tugs at me to hug you And squeeze you till you smile, But I can’t remember the last time you wanted my hug. It has been a long while. I hope that’s only because Of how much you have grown. I just know that so much of my love For you has gone unshown. Will you forgive me For not being brave? For not showing as much affection As I know all children crave? You are my child, Even though I’m not your mother. And I love you as sincerely As I love your brother. I have never hoped To take your mother’s place. God has brought you as my stepdaughter In His sovereign grace. I would love for us to be friends, But it’s not my first priority. I’m responsible to teach you, Parents are a child’s authority. So whether you understand, I may never know. I pray we will learn And together we can grow. I wrote this poem just for you; I mean every single word I have said. Whatever happens in either of our lives, Remember what you have just read. Age 25 |
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